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Yes I am getting a little sick and tired of hearing about Michael Phelps 24 hours a day, but once again The Onion comes through…

Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World:

ORLANDO—Fourteen-time Olympic gold medalist and SeaWorld main attraction Michael Phelps returned to his seven-million-gallon water tank Wednesday to resume his normal schedule of performing in six shows a day for marine park crowds every day of the week.

Phelps, the 6′4″, 200-pound aquatic mammal, and the first ever SeaWorld swimmer to be raised in captivity by foster swimmers (Mark Spitz and Dara Torres), was recaptured by trainer Bob Bowman in a hoop net baited with an entire Dutch apple pie following Phelps’ final Olympic event last Sunday. Phelps was then tethered to the rudder of a container ship bound for St. Petersburg, guided down local waterways, and introduced back into his home habitat, the tank in SeaWorld’s 5,500 seat stadium, known to park officials and visitors alike as “Phelps’ Happy Harbor.”

“Michael seemed really excited to be back,” said Bowman, adding that the male swimmer became playful upon entering his tank, breaching the water and sounding repeatedly. “He just started swimming freestyle and backstroke, and only stopped to slide belly first onto the tank’s platform so he could be fed dozens of fried egg sandwiches.”

Recently there have been stories about people breaking up by text message. Heck, there have even been stories of people who have been fired by email. But I think our quest to have as little interaction with people as possible may have gone a little too far. Now you can leave someone an unhappy voice mail without even having to face the possibility that the person might answer the phone:

The technology, called Slydial, lets callers dial a mobile phone but avoid an unwanted conversation — or unwanted intimacy — on the other end. The incoming call goes undetected by the recipient, who simply receives the traditional blinking light or ping that indicates that a voice mail message has been received.

At least now when someone asks me why I’m on Twitter I have a valid reason… you just never know when you might suddenly find yourself in an Egyptian prison.

Student ‘Twitters’ his way out of Egyptian jail:

James Karl Buck helped free himself from an Egyptian jail with a one-word blog post from his cell phone.

Buck, a graduate student from the University of California-Berkeley, was in Mahalla, Egypt, covering an anti-government protest when he and his translator, Mohammed Maree, were arrested April 10.

On his way to the police station, Buck took out his cell phone and sent a message to his friends and contacts using the micro-blogging site Twitter.

The message only had one word. “Arrested.”

Within seconds, colleagues in the United States and his blogger-friends in Egypt — the same ones who had taught him the tool only a week earlier — were alerted that he was being held.

I wonder if being in an Egyptian prison is anything like the experience you can expect in a Turkish prison.