We’re less than a week into the Major League Baseball season and already the Miami Marlins have had to issue a statement apologizing for Ozzie Guillen. In an interview he said that he “loves” Fidel Castro and respects him for having stayed in power for so long. The team released a statement reaffirming their distaste for the brutal dictator.
Jason Sudeikis’s Mitt Romney was back on SNL this week. After his wins in Wisconsin, Maryland and DC, Romney is trying to win over moderates and independents with his pro-everything platform, including D & D, cock fighting and nipple piercings.
CBS News legend Mike Wallace died on Sunday. Wallace was 94 years old and had been with 60 Minutes for over 40 years.
NBC has fired the producer who edited the 911 call from the Trayvon Martin shooting. They say that airing the edited audio was a mistake.
Rick Santorum has officially lost the hearts and minds of the American electorate. A group of porn stars has released an ad denouncing Santorum and endorsing Mitt Romney, before decided that Santorum would probably be better for their industry. (It might be a little much to play on the air)
Mirlande Mega Millions Update: Now the McDonalds employee claims that she can’t find the Mega Millions ticket, but “hasn’t looked everywhere.” It’s $105 million. At this point I would have looked “everywhere” three or four times. Was she stupid enough to think you could just fake being a lottery winner?
If you were worried about the situation in Sanford, FL spinning out of control into some sort of riot, the slime of humanity are on site to make sure that doesn’t happen. A heavily armed Neo-Nazi group has arrived to “make Sanford safe for white people.” Oh good, that should end well. Next the Westboro Baptist nutjobs will be showing up.
It’s that time of year again, all over the country high school seniors are getting those little envelopes that will decide if they have the bright future of becoming a doctor or a lawyer… of if they’ll be radio producers. That’s right, college acceptance season. Some people are going to be very disappointed, most notably white girls. According to many colleges’ self-reported statistics for the class of 2016, it’s virtually impossible for white girls to get into college these days unless they are a star athlete and/or have perfect grades and SAT scores.