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Fri. Show Prep – Self Defense Edition

Published on January 27, 2012 in Show Prep. 0 Comments

Greatest Story In History: A Florida woman is very pleased that she decided to invest $6,000 in breast implants. She was stabbed in an attempted robbery, but the knife was stopped by her implants. Doctors say they saved her life, one even suggested a law requiring all women to get breast implants… ya know, for their safety.

This has definitely not been a good week for Newt Gingirch. Bob Dole talked to CNN and said that Newt *did* in fact resign in disgrace and Dole had to help him pay off fines associated with his ethics investigations. Incidentally Dole has endorsed Mitt Romney.

Pat Sajak says that in his younger days he used to host Wheel of Fortune drunk. Apparently the original rules were different and the show was so boring that you had to have a few tasty beverages to make it through the day.

Moment of Racial Insensitivity: Joe Biden decided it was a good idea to fake an Indian accent when talking about call centers.

Death from Above: A bus-sized asteroid will give Earth a “close shave” on Friday. In astronomical terms, a “close shave” is 36,750 miles. We have satellites that are about that far out. It’ll pass by at about 9:30am CT.

Alaska Airlines will no longer provide prayer cards to passengers. They stopped for coach years ago, and now first class passengers won’t get them anymore, either. Should we be expecting more Alaska Airlines crashes in the future?

Thurs. Show Prep – Remote Viewing Edition

Published on January 26, 2012 in Show Prep. 0 Comments

Geeky Space Story of the Day: A group of psychics say that the Apollo 16 crew discovered an alien crash site on the Moon and NASA has covered it up. They say they discovered the cover up during a “remote viewing” session. Sounds to me like they were “Remote viewing” Transformers 3.

In her resignation letter to Congress, Gabby Giffords said that she will recover and return to Congress. The letter was read on the floor by Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

A new poll from Rasmussen says that 33% of GOPers would like a new candidate to jump into the race. There are only 13 states left that could add candidates to the ballot. Isn’t it time to love the one you’re with?

A ginger over in England was being bullied because of his red hair and the school’s solution was to put HIM in isolation. They taught him by himself in a separate room “for his own protection.” They punished HIM, not the bullies.

Newt spends a lot of time talking about Ronald Reagan, but during the Reagan-era apparently he was singing a different tune. One former Reagan aide says that Gingrich spent most of the 80′s ripping Reagan. He even once compared The Gipper to Neville Chamberlain.

The Captain of the Costa Concordia says that the company forced him to sail close to land, which resulted in the accident. At this point are you buying anything that knucklehead says?

Second Amendment Spotlight: A gun-toting granny held a would-be car thief at gun point until the police arrived.

Wed. Show Prep – Public Humiliation Edition

Published on January 25, 2012 in Show Prep. 0 Comments

A Lake County man who left during jury selection has been ordered to stand outside the courthouse the next two Mondays with a sign that says, “I failed to appear for jury duty.”Alright law and order fans, is that fair or cruel and unusual punishment? I’m always a fan of people being ordered to wear sandwich boards.

The number 14% is coming up a lot when it comes to Mitt Romney’s taxes, but in reality he paid 42% of his income in taxes and charity. Even with 14% going to taxes, the list of things that Romney’s taxes alone could pay for is pretty impressive. Among other things, it could pay for the monthly food stamp allowance for about 23,909 people. That’s a pretty good-sized Chicago suburb.

Senator Mark Kirk is doing better than expected according to his doctors. They say Kirk is alert, answering questions and following commands. Apparently he asked for his Blackberry so he could vote in Tuesday’s poll question at BigJohnandAmy.com

Awkward Media Moment: Megyn Kelly had a hard time saying “Coronal Mass Ejection” on Fox News. That’s the giant, throbbing… solar storm that hit the Earth earlier today.

Newt Gingrich isn’t the only one upset about a ban on applause at GOP Presidential debates, Elizabeth Hasselbeck brought it up on The View. Naturally she sees it as the LAMESTREAM MEDIA silencing conservatives, but this isn’t a campaign rally. They have four people up there and a limited amount of time, they don’t need a bunch of slack-jawed yokels taking up said limited time hooting and hollering every time Newt Gingrich says the name Saul Alinski.

Health Desk: A new study says that sex is no more strenuous than playing a round of golf. I think that means the scientists were doing it wrong.

Tues. Show Prep – Petty Gesture Edition

Published on January 24, 2012 in Show Prep. 0 Comments

While you’re scanning the crowd at the State of The Union, one face you won’t see is Republican Rep. Dough Lamborn from Colorado. He says that he will not be present tomorrow because he does not support the policies of President Obama. Does that really make any sort of statement? Have you ever assumed that people attending the SOTU must agree with the President?

Mitt Romney had another “Reagan-esque” moment with Occupiers in Florida. They started shouting him down chanting “WE ARE THE PEOPLE” Romney responded “Actually, these are the people,” Romney said as he pointed the audience. We believe in the Constitution. We believe in the right of speech, and you believe in interrupting. Take a hike.” It’s like when Reagan said “I’m paying for this microphone” except in this case, the microphone is 20 jobless hipsters.

Romney is taking the gloves off… or at least having Jeeves take the gloves off for him. He told Mike Huckabee on Fox News that “if you believe Newt Gingrich is the outsider that will shake things up in Washington, then I guess you believe that Bill Clinton didn’t inhale.”

The war of words between Joe Scarborough and Newt Gingrich continues. Joe says that Newt said he was “too conservative” for his district.

Victory for freedom! The Supreme Court has ruled unanimously that cops can’t stick a GPS on your car and track you without a warrant. Your car is private property, and going inside to attach a GPS is a search and that requires a warrant.

Superfluous 911 call of the day: A Florida teenager called 911 last week asked police to place her in a Christian children’s shelter because she “heard her mother having sex.” Just for the record, that does not qualify as child abuse, so she will not be taken to a shelter.

End of the World Update: The largest solar storm in seven years erupted on the Sun on Monday afternoon. It’ll hit the Earth at about 8:00 am CT on Tuesday. It’s a little “north” of Earth though, so the biggest problem will be that polar flights will have to be diverted. Unless Amy Jacobson is in an elevator, then all best are off.

Mon. Show Prep – Suspiciuous Phone Trouble Edition

Published on January 23, 2012 in Show Prep. 0 Comments

Awkward Media Moment: Newt Gingrich was on with Neil Cavuto just about the time that he was declared the winner in South Carolina. Amazingly, Newt’s phone went dead at precisely the same moment that Cavuto asked him about the cake Romney sent to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the ethics investigation. I’m sure that was just a coincidence.

Meanwhile, Gingrich accused Fox and Friends of media bias for bringing up the ethics investigation. That’s right, Fox News Channel is biased. So apparently if you say anything that displeases Newt, it’s media bias.

Gabby Giffords has announced that she is stepping down from Congress to focus on her rehab. She has certainly made remarkable progress in one year. Do you think she’ll be back?

Joe Paterno has died at the age of 85. He was being treated for lung cancer.

Rick Santorum was glittered after the South Carolina primary. Fabulous. (Looking for video)

Both Drew Peterson and the Savio family can agree on one thing: The Lifetime movie about Drew Peterson isn’t very accurate. They both called it hysterical.

The owners of the Costa Concordia are offering survivors of the disaster a 30% discount off future cruises. Obviously it’s a vain attempt to fight off lawsuits, but would you even thing about taking a coupon as compensation for a disaster like that?

Thanks to some help from Stephen Colbert, Herman Cain ended up with about 1,000 votes in the South Carolina. Chuck Todd on NBC says that Colbert is making a mockery of the political process and is probably pushing an anti-Republican agenda.

Scare in the Air: A Japanese coast guard pilot had a run-in with an albatross, leaving a three foot crater. Despite the damage, the pilot opted not to make an emergency landing, instead flying for another hour and arriving at its intended destination.

Fri Show Prep – Parenting Clinic Edition

Published on January 20, 2012 in Show Prep. 0 Comments

Mother of the Year: A Georgia woman is facing charges after she let her 10 year old son get a tattoo. He wanted to get the ink to remember his brother who died a couple of years ago. It doesn’t matter why he wanted it, he’s still 10.

Mitt comes to life again. Mitt Romney got into a spirited tussle with an Occupy Wall Street-sympathetic questioner. Andrea Mitchell on MSNBC says that Romney sounded “Reagan-esque”

Big Brother wants to control your bladder. A Brooklyn school is limiting students to three bathroom visits per week. Call me the typical small government libertarian here, but I’m fine with giving teachers the power to hand out bathroom breaks on a case-by-case basis.

War on Cougars: Students at a new Utah high school are facing disappointment after their choice for a new school mascot was rejected. They picked “Cougars” as their mascot. The reason? School board members deemed it might be seen as offensive to middle-aged women.

Mitch Daniels will deliver the Republican response to President Barack Obama’s State of the Union address on Tuesday. They didn’t go with one of the Presidential candidates?

Open mouth, insert foot: Speaking in San Francisco, Vice President Joe Biden said that the Giants are “on their way to the Super Bowl.” The New York Giants are playing the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC title game. STAND UP, CHUCK!